First Anniversary

A year ago, this happened

For some reason, my favorite pictures from our wedding are the candid ones. Probably because i'm better at acting normal than trying to pose :)

I was going to write a long story, but i am truly no expert and I won't know if my advise is any good until it's been tried about for about 20-30 years. So i'll hit you back then. 

I will say that I've learned a TON this year about myself, Matt, and marriage in general these last 365 days. 

Our first year was admittedly not hard. It was a lot of fun. Full of random weekend travels, breakfast dates, our first pet, remodeling (blah!), community, and a lot of laughter, sprinkled in with learning, misunderstandings, attitudes and selfishness. I know we'll face our big trials sometime and I welcome them - because I know what we have is worth fighting for.

Happy Anniversary, my love. You are my favorite thing.

(Some extra wedding photos are located here)

picture day.

My talented friend Abby was in town this weekend, so I thought it was a good time to have some pictures taken for a Christmas card! You know when you're in high school and you say "I'm always going to do ___________ when I'm an adult", and now that you are, you probably do two of those things? Yeah, well sending out a Christmas card/having family photos taken was on my absurd list, and it's probably the only thing i've stuck to.

Abby is the photographer and designer behind Conteur Co., and also the woman responsible for my engagement photos which i LOVED.

She's probably the only person I don't feel awkward around with a camera pointed directly at me.

Speaking of vulnerability, i could probably find something wrong with myself in every single one of these pictures. I'm working on not doing that anymore, and accepting my quirks and self-proclaimed flaws.... but it's a process.

(I'm looking at you, crooked smile.)

So if anyone out there feels the same way when seeing themselves in pictures, I hope you'll join me in trying to accept your quirks, too :)

Anyway, here are a few of my favorites from the 1 million she took this weekend at Shelby Bottoms Park.

this one sums us up pretty well i think :)

The full set can be found here, and I'd highly suggest Abby for your weddings, babies, engagements, christmas cards, and so on! Also, any insight to the best photo for a Christmas card.... suggestions welcome! :)

a plan more than 6 years in the making

Sorry i've been the worst blogger in the world. I promise promise promise to be better.....
BUT i have some news.

If you haven't heard.....
 I'm moving.
TO NASHVILLE.

7 more days, and i'm no longer a Florida resident.

But this wasn't an overnight, whimsical decision. I've been "about to move to Nashville" for the last 6 years.

Here's the story.

Fall Break, Sophomore Year - October 2005

Don't worry about the matching hoodies. And also don't worry that it was only in the 50's and we were freezing.

You might remember a few of my blogs on Hurrication , but this is when the love for Nashville began.

Nobody saw it coming - Jonathan and i were driving back to Florida, and literally spent 12 hours in Nashville - some of which was sleeping. However, the city jumped out at both of us, and by the end of the drive, we had both made our minds up - we were transfering to Belmont and moving to Nashville.

We (along with Reid) filled out our applications, talked to admissions counselors, and all that jazz... but when it came down to mailing it in, i just couldn't bring myself to do it. 

Don't ask me why, but i suddenly had no peace about moving... and couldn't go through with it.

Junior year, 2006-2007

I spent the next calendar year visiting as much as i could. 

Overall, i spent almost an entire month in the state of Tennessee in the 06-07 school year (i'm still trying to work out how i afforded this at the time, because i was broke).

Last Summer of College - Summer 2007

i moved to Nashville for the summer - got a job - found a church - made lots of friends - and planned on moving back as soon as i finished my senior year and graduated.

Until something happened.

Something called... London.

And anyone who has even met me once... you know that London became the trump card and game changer. 

2008

When i found out i could go back for 6 months after i graduated, everything, including my plans for Nashville, fell of the radar - and i completely had my eyes on the prize.

Present Day

I've been in Florida for the past three years.... which is about 2.5 years longer than i ever saw myself staying.

Starting January 1, 2012, i will be a resident of the great state of Tennessee. Don't worry, there will be no cowboy hats or southern accents. Just a new city with a new adventure.

I'm so excitd about the project i'll be working on - more to come from that later - and also about the new friends and experiences i'll encounter in my new state.

I can't possibly tell you how sad i am to leave this place. It's become my home all over again. I have my family, an amazing group of friends, community at church, wonderful job, boss and clients, and not to mention... location location location. 

But one thing i've learned about moving over these past few years, be it from a city, state or country - i've never regretted doing it, and i've just had more people that i get to visit and keep in touch with :)

I never thought this would become my comfort zone, but i've settled in here quite nicely. I'm devastated to leave, but i am thrilled for the next adventure - my long awaited transition into living in Nashville.

So in less than a week, i'll pack up the car and drive away. Everyone is welcome and encouraged to visit.... 

Viva Nashvegas.

is is well with my soul....or is it?

Have you ever heard the worship song "It Is Well With My Soul"? I'm sure you have, even if you didn't grow up in church. These are the lyrics:

When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,

When sorrows like sea billows roll;

Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,

It is well, it is well, with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,

It is well, with my soul,

It is well, it is well, with my soul.

Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,

Let this blest assurance control,

That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,

And hath shed His own blood for my soul.

It is well, with my soul,

It is well, with my soul,

It is well, it is well, with my soul.

My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!

My sin, not in part but the whole,

Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,

Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!

It is well, with my soul,

It is well, with my soul,

It is well, it is well, with my soul.

And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,

The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;

The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,

Even so, it is well with my soul.

It is well, with my soul,

It is well, with my soul,

It is well, it is well, with my soul

Now, it's really really easy to sing these lyrics. The music and melody of this song are very pretty. But if you listen to the lyrics, it doesn't really sound like a happy time. If you've never heard it before, this is the story behind the man who wrote this hymn. And for me, it always makes this song a little harder to sing.

"Horatio Spafford was a wealthy Chicago lawyer with a thriving legal practice, a beautiful home, a wife, four daughters and a son. He was also a devout Christian and faithful student of the Scriptures.

At the very height of his financial and professional success, Horatio and his wife Anna suffered the tragic loss of their young son. Shortly thereafter on October 8, 1871, the Great Chicago Fire destroyed almost every real estate investment that Spafford had.

In 1873, Spafford scheduled a boat trip to Europe in order to give his wife and daughters a much needed vacation and time to recover from the tragedy. Spafford sent his wife and daughters ahead of him while he remained in Chicago to take care of some unexpected last minute business. Several days later he received notice that his family's ship had encountered a collision. All four of his daughters drowned; only his wife had survived.

With a heavy heart, Spafford boarded a boat that would take him to his grieving Anna in England. It was on this trip that he penned those now famous words, When sorrow like sea billows roll; it is well, it is well with my soul "

 A few weeks ago, i went to Adore, a worship session they do once a month at Riverside Church. A handful of my friends were musicians, so i was glad i was finally able to check it out! It was a great night. When they played this song (and this happens every time) i became totally overwhelmed by the lyrics, and thinking about the meaning behind them. I mean, This man slowly lost everything over the course of a year. EVERYTHING. His possessions, his company, ALL of his children. And he wrote a song saying it was ok - that he still had God and because of that, everything would be ok. Tooootally a Job situation.

And i am totally not there. Not even one little bit.

I wish i was. I wish i could truly say it is well with my soul. Unfortunately, i haven't been able to fully surrender the things in this world. I think about how crazy blessed i am... that my biggest problem right now is waiting until November 1st to move into my new place. Until then, i'm displaced. Living with my parents. Which i might add, is rent free, my own room with plenty of space, an extremely comfy bed, fully stocked kitchen of free food, air conditioning and satellite TV. Wait a second.... was i actually complaining about this? is *this* an actual problem?

There are people all over the world who haven't eaten today. Some people lost everything they've ever had. Some people never had anything to start with, and lost a loved one. That is true loss, need and lacking.

I have none of those things in my life.

I'm not really one to "blame" God, but i do question him. I also don't think i have a hard life. I know i don't have a hard life. Anyone who is reading this blog, most likely doesnt have a hard life. But this guy really impressed me. He skipped the blame game. He skipped acting like he was entitled to a perfect life. and he said "Ok God... this is ok. I have you".

I was so overwhelmed thinking about what this man might have felt.... to actually say "Lord, i have nothing left. But that's ok, because i have you" - and truly mean every word. enough to write a song about it... that we still sing to this day.

I was talking to a friend of mine not too long ago and he said that this world has nothing for him. Nothing on this earth would make him want to stay here a minute longer. He'd go to heaven right now if it was an option. And based on his life and his actions, i truly believe him.

That is the attitude i want. I want to rely on God and nothing else. I want to be fully content in that, rather than always wanting something more.

I know this is a total ramble. but it's been something i've been thinking about a LOT lately. There are all sorts of worship songs with lyrics like "this world has nothing for me" and "nothing i desire compares with you"... but i dont feel it in my life. I'm just being very honest. What about you? Do you feel like this, maybe it's just me? Do you feel like in the face of loss and pain, you would say "it is well"? I am praying for this for myself, and hopefully soon i'll come to the realization that the things of this world will pass away, and none of it will matter anymore..... but He will still remain. It's like Paul says... what i want to do i do not do, and what i do not want to do... i do. And i'm hoping that soon, my first instict will not be to rely on the things of this world.... but i'm working on it.

DIY Decor

Since a new apartment is around the corner
(hopefully signing the lease at the end of this week!!! yay!!!),
i am just dying to redecorate.

Our living room is going to be black and white with accents of dark purple, maybe some grey.
Our kitchen doesn't have a lot of wall space - but will have a vino theme to it. Greens, redish-purples.
My bedroom will now be primarily yellow and grey - i've decided the dark purple wall (RIP) would be such a pain in the butt to paint back... i'm just not sure i can commit to it.

 So after many hours on Pinterest, and seeing Cait with Pretty&Fun post her upcoming decor inspiration, i decided i'd follow suit. Here are some of the craft projects i'm cooking up!

Redecorated Tray

this isn't the pattern i'm using. BUT, i found a plain unstained wood tray,

which i have spray painted white, and will be adding a black&white patterned paper to.
We'll be adding purple accents, and this will go on the coffee table in the living room.

Jewelry Organizer

A few old frames. Some paint. A staple gun, and chicken wire. And perhaps a few hooks at the bottom.
I'm making one for myself, and one for each of my roommates!

Old Frame + Chalkboard + Corkboard

Mine won't look like this.... but it was my inspiration! I took an old frame, and used chalkboard paint, scrapbook paper, and a cork board. You'll see :) This will either go in the kitchen or hall by the laundry room.

Those are just a few of the DIY projects i've got going so far.... i'll post pictures once they're done!

Also - i've got options for bedroom furniture.
This is what my comforter looks like. And the color scheme of my life, basically.

I also have a lot of yellow accents - cabinet, mirror, end table etc.
I have dark grey sheets.
And deciding on which grey to use for the walls.
(i'm thinking the 3rd grey for all walls, w/ an accent wall of somewhere between the 1st & 2nd. thoughts?)

Now my question in - white furniture (antiqued) or black furniture?
I feel like it could go either way... but that the white might pop more next to the grey walls.

Any other recommendations?

don't fight it

"don't fight change" was the advice i was given by my best friend in a brief gchat conversation today.

i had to think about it for a second - am i fighting it? am i trying to control this situation? and i can honestly answer - no. but let me give you some of the back story.

for those of you that aren't updated on my current living situation; i live in a lovely condo.

just a few shots of my room when i first moved in. there have been a few re arranges, nothing major. purple, grey and yellow are my colors, and i love that purple wall!!!!

but 4 months ago, my roommate (she's still my roommate in my head anyway) Ashlee moved to Haiti to be a missionary (learn more about Ashlee's mission here) - and she owns the lovely condo.

but it has been confirmed that starting September 26th, she will no longer own the lovely condo. This is great news - because we've been praying for God to work this situation out - because being a missionary in Haiti doesn't really mean you want to have a mortgage back in the states. So this is a good thing.

However, i do have to move out of my lovely home. with my beautiful purple wall that i love so much.

Although a possibility since Day 1, i was naive in believing it would never happen (something that probably falls in line with "that would never happen to me!" and the invincibility we feel as young adults). but it is what it is, and i have 13 days left in my little home.

living in Riverwalk brought a lot of firsts for me;
- first time having my own room (except living with my parents for a year after London)
- first time (and possibly only time, even though it has completely spoiled me!) having my own bathroom
- first time painting walls the color i wanted
- first time living alone - after fully believing i would never want to or couldn't handle it

i like my apartment. i like my walls! i like that i'm the perfect distance between McGregor and 41. i like that there is no gate in my community and i have a pool. i don't want to leave... i just dont want to! But it's next on the agenda. it came at a very interesting time in life, and i really am sad to give this place up, but i feel totally calm about it happening. Which only makes me more certain that it's all part of the plan.

living alone is something i never really considered, but just kind of fell into when Ashlee left. i fell into it a little more naturally than i thought, and i kind of love it some times. but i do believe i am built to live life with people, and being alone too much isn't very good for me. i feel it was an important part of my journey and growth, and i'm very thankful for this time.

but just like learning to live alone was an adjustment, learning to live with others again will be the same. after almost 3 years of my own bedroom, and 1.5 years of my own bathroom, going back will be very different. but i did it for over 20 years of my life, so i think i'll survive : )

i think my entire experience living in Fort Myers has been an important part of my journey... being forced into things i never thought i'd say yes to (ie, living in fort myers, living alone, etc).... and ending up loving them. So i have no doubt that this next part of the Fort Myers chapter, which most likely involves sleeping on a lot of couches, will be no different in the growth department.

i'm embracing the change. even if it's not the kind of change i thought i was looking for.
i guess it almost never is : ) and there's something kind of beautiful about that.

Tribute Post

As most of you already know, i am 5 days away from living alone.

My lovely, talented, thoughtful, fun roommate is leaving me.

Yes, i realize how dramatic that sounds.... :)

Ashlee is leaving for a wonderful reason. She's being completely selfless, giving up life as she knows it, and moving to Haiti to help the educational system through an organization called Reach Global. And at the moment, she's committed to two years.

Two. Years.

(if you read my last post, you're familiar with my fear of time commitment!)

My roommate is about to become a real life, full fledged missionary. And she's ready. She's not only accepted this calling, she's excited for it. I admire it so incredibly much. And i wish more than anything i could ship her a fountain Diet Coke and a place to take bubble baths.

We've had a lot of fun over the past couple of weeks. Photos to follow. She's sitting 5 feet away from me, and just said "wow, you're blogging!" (since i've been slackin these days).... and i don't want her to know it's a blog about her. Muahaha, so far my plan is working and she doesn't even know ;)

Last night we got to have a prayer commissioning service for her at our church (Summit) and then have some dinner and cake with close friends. Not to mention we got to end our night with Ang, enjoying a very nice bottle of wine and just chatting. I will miss these times for sure!

But in t-5 days we leave for the road. We're having one last roommate hoorah - we're driving her zippy little car back to Minnesota (prayers excepted..... mainly that i don't get a ticket driving that fast little thing!!). We're driving to Nashville on night one and allllll the rest of the way that day.

it's really far.

You get the drift. I'm currently doing my best to make as many awesome playlists as i can that will keep me motivated at 10pm driving through cornfields : )

But really, pray for Ashlee. Pray for her time there, for the people she'll be ministering to, and pray for her new way of life in Haiti. I'm going to miss her oh so much as a roommate and a near by friend and person i know i can count on and go to for advice, and as much as i hate the thought of her leaving, i'm so excited to support her in this journey. I've got to stop writing, because i'm not allowed to cry yet!!!

So cheers to you, dear roommate - i'll come visit Haiti soon ;)

And after all this craziness dies down, i promise to blog more. 

Well, i promise to blog more one week after that - because i'm being reunited with three of my best friends in CHICAGO for Memorial Day weekend slash Ashley's 25th!!!!!

me, ash, case, and kim.... circa Spring 2005. 

First picture i could find of the four of us together... Man we look rough. Get ready for much better looking photos. Until then, everyone be good!

xo

Numbers.

Ok - so i realize that i haven't blogged in a while.

I am aware that the majority of my posts prior to my sabbatical were regarding growing up and getting old. But i realized some crazy numbers this past week... and that time is flying by very quickly!

Let's also note: it is my little sister's birthday. She's turning 23. Here is a picture of when she was 3.

Look at those babies!!

Annette on the left. Two Helman girls in the middle. Me on the right.

Everyone in jellies except Liv : )

Guess she's not so little anymore : (

So if this doesn't make me feel old enough.... the past 4 years have flown by.

It's been.....

ONE YEAR SINCE: the Coffee Bar has been open! It's not my baby anymore! I still remember the first month we were open.... i practically lived behind that counter. My my my how it has changed.

completely bare!

More signage, borders, flavors and over things than you could imagine.

TWO YEARS SINCE: i've lived in Fort Myers and worked at Hillgate. two years! me, the girl who REFUSED to sign a two year contract... and wanted something more in the six-month range.

during my first month at Hillgate

THREE YEARS SINCE: i graduated from college. May 3, 2008. How have three years managed to pass by without living in the same city/state as my best friends. Part of me is still waiting for summer to be over so that we can all move back into our house together....

my girls. being all graduated and stuff. it was a great four years together and i love this photo :)

FOUR YEARS SINCE: i moved to Nashville! The city that still has half of my heart. and almost 4 years since i studied abroad in London. the city where i left the rest of it.

a favorite coffee shop in Nash :)

my street in London. covered in snow :)

Ah. Life is moving quick. I need to make that bucket list soon.